Spritzophrenia

humour, music, life, sociology. friendly agnostic.

Posts Tagged ‘humour’

White People Need More Sex – Humour Break

Posted by spritzophrenia on September 7, 2010

Ooh, it’s been so SERIOUS recently! Time for some light relief. White people need more sex:

We talked recently about Eat, Pray, Love, so seeing this made me chortle:

Drink Play F--k

I don’t know if it’s any good, here’s a review. “Drink, Play, F**k: One Man’s Search for Anything Across Ireland, Las Vegas, and Thailand”. Love it.

Your Thoughts?

Please share this article:

Posted in humor, humour | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments »

Mixed Nuts

Posted by spritzophrenia on August 16, 2010

Today’s Spritzophrenia Street is brought to you by the letter Orange, and the number Fish. It’s a wild, rollicking ride through what I’m currently reading, so lets get started.

The Laughter of God

I will argue that [science and spirituality] not only can coexist within one person, but can do so in a fashion that enriches and enlightens the human experience. Science is the only reliable way to understand the natural world, and its tools when properly utilized can generate profound insights into material existence. But science is powerless to answer questions such as “Why did the universe come into being?” “What is the meaning of human existence?” “What happens after we die?”

Meditation

continued…

One of the strongest motivations of humankind is to seek answers to profound questions, and we need to bring all the power of both the scientific and spiritual perspectives to bear on understanding what is both seen and unseen. The goal of this book is to explore a pathway toward a sober and intellectually honest integration of these views.

First, I should explain how a scientist who studies genetics came to be a believer in a God who is unlimited by time and space, and who takes personal interest in human beings. Some will assume that this must have come about by rigorous religious upbringing, deeply instilled by family and culture, and thus inescapable in later life. But that’s not really my story.

~ Francis Collins The Language of God (Free Press, 2006) p 6,7

We now move from the sublime to the ridiculous – but perhaps the ridiculous can be spiritually helpful too?

I believe that people who have a good sense of humor are usually intuitive people in general. Show me someone who has no sense of humor, and I will show you a very stiff, boring person with no insight whatsoever.

~ Warren Shiller quoted in Romy Shiller Who Knew (Trafford, 2010) p 32

Could a sense of humour mark the kind of intuition that helps along the spiritual path?

You may have heard the recent news that the bones of John the Baptist have allegedly been found. Barth’s Notes has an amusing piece— amusing because of the language and feisty-ness of the Bulgarian officials, who it seems need tourist dollars. Hence they’re eager to proclaim authenticity. The evidence seems pretty flimsy to me, see Rollston Debunks Stupid John the Baptist’s Bones Claim.

Sorry Bulgaria, writing as someone who is open to the idea that faith could be a valid way of life, “faith” in the face of clear evidence to the contrary is not faith— it’s dogmatism and idiocy.

Speaking of idiocy, Insane Clown Posse’s track Miracles. Thanks to Marty Atheist Climber for alerting me. Mysteries do not prove impossibilities, especially when it appears we aren’t to try and figure them out. I do like some ICP, particularly Let’s Go All The Way, but check these lyrics:

Water, fire, air and dirt
F**king magnets, how do they work?
And I don’t wanna talk to a scientist
Y’all motherf**kers lying, and getting me pissed

Bahahaha! While perhaps it’s a metaphorical point they’re trying to make, it does come across as celebrating ignorance. Even better, today Marty tweeted me the hilarious SNL spoof of the song:

Eat, Pray, Lust

Following on from the allegations about Eat, Pray, Love

Sex between gurus and disciples is common, sociologists and other experts say. The New Yorker magazine reported in November 1994 that female followers of deceased Swami Muktananda, the man who made Chetanananda a swami, had sex with them. Many devotees later left after learning about the sexual allegations.

~ from here.

I’ve had this in my notes for some time. Now I realise Swami Muktananda is the one who guru-fied Liz Gilbert’s Gurumayi Chidvilasananda (formerly Malti Shetty). Another book in my current pile is a biography about following a guru:

All of the people whom [guru Paul Brunton, alias P.B.] had chosen… as his disciples were singularly favoured. They were to be at the center of the salvation of the universe. There could be no greater honor. This was a universe as simply organised as a boy’s adventure story. I found a similar atmosphere when I read Tolkein’s Lord of the Rings years later.

[P.B.] is not an egregious example of a false prophet. The story I have to tell about him is not an exposé in the classic sense, although I have nothing against such exposés. Tales by insiders of what really goes on in these cults are not only fascinating gossip, they are instructive of the kind of world this spirituality builds. … I was able to observe, especially in me and my father and in Paul Brunton, the clash, the romanticism, and the ultimate tragedy of these attempts to escape the imperfections of the human condition. I was a direct participant, and I did not escape its consequences.

~Jeffrey Masson My Father’s Guru: A Journey through Spirituality and Disillusion (Harper Collings, 1993) p xiv, xv

Things Mistaken for Meditation

Another misguided notion about meditation is that it’s about becoming enlightened.

You can’t become enlightened. It’s not possible.

You can’t become enlightened for the same reason that you can’t come into contact with Truth: you’re already here, immersed in it. It’s like trying to become human, or searching high and low for air.

When we search for enlightenment, we’re like a fish searching for water or a bird seeking the sky. Enlightenment isn’t something you can pursue. And, anyway, you don’t need to, because it’s already right where you are. Meditation is not about straining or striving for some special state of mind. It’s about letting our habitual striving drop away and simply experiencing what’s present before we make anything of it.

~ Steve Hagen Meditation: Now or Never (HarperOne, 2007) p 21

I’ve begun a very basic practice of meditation, after I get up in the morning. I’ve been quietly pleased with my progress so far, no doubt this is the ‘beginners luck’ that most new practices enjoin. Perhaps I’ll report back sometime, if this blog is about searching for higher reality it will pay me to occasionally record such things.

.

.

Tell me in the comments

Which of the above tickled your buttons? Have a great day y’all.

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine

Posted in Buddhism, Christianity, cosmology, God, Hinduism, humor, humour, personal development, Science, spirituality | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Celebrating The Weeds

Posted by spritzophrenia on August 4, 2010

In the comments last week someone characterised my project as “sorting out the weeds”. I like that. Weeds can be beautiful as well as inconvenient in my opinion. Here’s a scattershot bouquet to admire or throw away.

Chickweed

I’ve been getting some balance back into my life. I pushed myself too hard writing critically and intended to get away from the computer. Instead I spent a large part of the weekend coaching my 12 year-old through his science project. So much for getting away from the computer.

I’ve also been thinking about balance in terms of spiritual paths. Reading the last week or two’s posts you could get the impression that only atheism or some kind of christianity count here. I don’t claim that all religions are the same. I do want to be open to insights. Have a random Bhagavad Gita quote:

“There is neither this world nor the world beyond nor happiness for the one who doubts.”

Dandelion in the sun

Dandelion

I do believe serious thinking needs to be done as part of my spiritual journey. There’s still gonna be some intellectual heavy lifting here, it’s part of who I am and I can’t escape that. But I don’t want to neglect the rest of life or get stuck down the rabbit hole of endless philosophy, obscure science or irrelevant theology. Let me know if I’m doing that, won’t ya? Sometimes I’m unable to back up everything I ponder with academic research, which disappoints the ego in me, but that’s life. I want to let go my attachment to being right.

We’re allowed to change our opinions. Some days I will be logical to the point of inanity. Some days I will be fluffy and mystical. Some days I will appear to favour one path, others another. It’s all part of my journey, and I reserve the right to change my mind as I learn. This is Spritzophrenia, after all.

This is not to say I think all is one, or there are no answers, merely that the path is sometimes unclear and may require backtracking.

Henbit

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
– Helen Keller, quoted in Who Knew.

I’m valuing the experience of friendship, and the discussions of late. I think there is so much we can agree on, even if we can’t agree on everything. I value you. You don’t have to be an intellectual or spiritual giant to belong here. I’m not. Besides, giants can scare away the little people. I’m sometimes amazed and delighted at the connections people make with what I write. When I see your comments I find myself thinking, “I really love you maaaan”. No, I haven’t been drinking 😉

I thought you might enjoy the hilarious “Internet verses real life” sketches, particularly the final section on what internet discussions can be like. (Some language may offend.)

Wood sorrel

I’m valuing life experience in spirituality, and remembering the path contains joy as well as hardship. (Read “personal development” for spirituality if you prefer.) After a brain-draining and exhausting weekend I spent time on Sunday sitting in a pub reading, drinking cider and eating hot bread. The good things in life are indeed good. I like the Celtic christian way of talking about deity as “The good God”, who brings good things to our life. Hopefully a genuine spiritual path involves celebrating this life, extreme asceticism has never appealed to me. Judaism often has an earthiness and a real-world focus which is warming, as I understand it.

I think I’ve finally worked out who I’m writing for. Me, of course. But also other seekers, people who haven’t got a fixed, firm and final perspective on everything and who are looking to grow, to learn and to share. Do you know anyone like that who might enjoy reading this blog?

So there you are, a few weeds to either keep or throw. Which did you react to or resonate with? Have a great day.

Posted in agnostic, god, Hinduism, humor, humour, life, personal development, spirituality | Tagged: , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Clan of the Horse Passage Hunters

Posted by spritzophrenia on July 23, 2010

The following spoof might make no sense unless you’ve read one of Jean M. Auel’s novels. I wrote this some time ago after reading the first three.

***

Clan of the Horse Passage Hunters

She paused at the bottom of the slope to study the plants that grew there: Starchy roots, cat-tail, thistle, licorice fern, folderol, wild onion, lily corms, stinging nettle, flax seeds, opium poppies, red grass, yellow grass, wild carrot, thick stringy grass the mammoths liked, short tender shoots for the horses, sweet potato, venus flytrap, cannabis, triffid, rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb. Sometimes the variety of the Great Mother’s creation overwhelmed her.

She turned and whistled to her horse, “Horse”. “There you are Horse”, she smiled. She mounted in one swift leap, her perfectly coiffed blonde hair shimmering in the sun as on they travelled. On and on they went. On and on and on. And on some more.

Alyar noticed the hoofprints that Horse had left in the sand at the rivers end. She noticed Horse’s turds behind them. She noticed all the many alluvial deposits along the bank. “Oh Great Mother, No!”, she mouthed silently, accompanied by secret clan signs. “Not another turgid monologue about the windswept climate of the plains. Can’t we just find some animal to slaughter instead?”

Laughing Horse

“Oh, will we ever see people again? Will I ever see Dorc again? Will the plot ever rise from a plod to some kind of pace?”

“Alyar?”

Jondullard was standing in front of her, looking concerned. He wiped grease and blood off his great, tanned, manly hair-covered chin and looked at her with his strange piercing blue eyes, eyes that could make any woman want him, eyes that were an icy blue in summer yet contained hints of sky, star, ocean, river, …

“Alyar? You’re off in the spirit world again. Is something wrong?” he murmured.

A warmth that still managed to make her shiver washed over her body, and she noticed his glorious manhood straining against his leather g-string. How she wanted him, he was the best. Their pleasures were always good. They had to be, inserted every couple of chapters as they were, to keep the monotony of their journey from killing the reader of boredom.

Posted in humor, humour, music, writing | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Miracles Do Happen

Posted by spritzophrenia on June 22, 2010

Here in little ole New Zealand, the big news – no, HUGE news – is the local football team the “All Whites”. That’s a “soccer” team for you non-European sports fans.

We’re a small country, football isn’t the top sport here, and it’s the first time we’ve had a team qualify for the tournament in 30 years. Not only did the All Whites draw with Slovakia, but they drew 1-1 with current world champions Italy.

This is so unexpected I think it really does qualify as a miracle. After all, sport is a religion for many people.

This post comes complete with eye candy. I thought some of you might appreciate pictures of shirtless men.


The All Whites thank the gods of football (www.stuff.co.nz).

By the way, if g0d exists and people on each side of a sports match pray, who does g0d listen to? I have my theory on this. What’s yours?

.
[Edit]Not original to me, but I tweeted the other day: The England team went to visit an orphanage in South Africa this morning. “It’s good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible” said Jamal Umboto aged 6

Posted in humor, humour, Off Topic | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

BunnyKitteh is Watching You!

Posted by spritzophrenia on June 20, 2010

BunnyKitten!

Bunnykitten!

A GMO, caused by mating these under mild radiation:

Bunny Kitten Sex!

Apparently bunnykittens cause your blog to explode, which attracts an audience. So I did some genetic experiments to create them*. This very silly concept was developed in Twitter discussion with Pribbiblity (his blog) and exis10s. Hi guys 🙂

Now the only remaining question is: Can we eat them?

.
*I confess my photoshred skillzors are not quite up to scratch. I yoinked them from here (pic not credited) and

Posted in humor, humour, Off Topic | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Bibles for Porn

Posted by spritzophrenia on March 10, 2010

Buzzfeed notes

A student group called Atheist Agenda is giving out pornography in exchange for Bibles and generally pissing everybody off. Fortunately, Christians on campus are giving out Bibles in exchange for porn in retaliation. Sounds like a good opportunity to upgrade your porn collection through the Bible exchange hierarchy.

Posted in atheism, Christianity, humor, humour, Sociology | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Bibles for Porn

The Jesus Frying Pan

Posted by spritzophrenia on February 14, 2010

I’m yoinking this straight from Matthew Paul Turner’s Jesus Needs New PR. In a world where I’ve seen some truly bad ‘christianised’ products this is up there with the worst:

Fry Jesus’s face into your grilled cheese, pancakes, or burgers.

Yep, you can eat Jesus’s face without guilt. Why? Because you can simply make a new edible Jesus face.

WWW.JESUSPAN.COM

What do you want to fry the face of Jesus into?!

(For more of the same you could also see my post Laughing at Christians.

Posted in Christianity, humor, humour | Tagged: , , , , | 5 Comments »

The Sh#t Hits the Fan

Posted by spritzophrenia on January 17, 2010

Taking a break from the slightly more serious topics recently, here’s something I wrote nearly 10 years ago, because we all love to think about bathroom hygeine. Warning, severely OCD handwashers might want to skip this:

Somehow, a genteel conversation turned to the perennial questions that profoundly influence male-female relations: the toilet seat. Do we leave it up or down? Men and women have fought long over the toilet seat position. Well, turns out we’re both wrong. The answer for both men and women is: Forget the seat. Put the lid down.

I was informed that New Zealand Consumer magazine recently published the results of leaving the lid up. I didn’t find the article with a brief search of their website, but I did open a can of germs, so to speak.

In 1975 environmental microbiologist Charles Gerber published a study which found that when a toilet is flushed countless water droplets shoot out. Apparently, every time you flush, invisible aerosolized particles from the toilet float as far as 2.4 meters (8 feet) away. If you have a sink with a toothbrush holder above it right next to your toilet, it is very likely, if you keep your toilet lid UP when you flush, that you are spraying a fine mist of bacteria all over your implements for oral hygiene. Not to mention breathing it in.

However, it’s not as simple as you think. The bathroom sink may be more infected than the toilet itself. Sarah Tan ventures tastefully into the details of surfaces, bacteria and hand washing, so rather than quoting her at length I recommend her entertaining and informative article.

And there’s more. Intriguingly, Professor Gerber discovered that the kitchen, not the bathroom is the worst place in the home for attracting bacteria. Believe it or not, the kitchen sink, and the dishcloth in particular, harbours the most fecal matter in the average home, carried there from the bathroom by unwashed hands. Gerber said “If an alien came from space and studied the bacterial counts, he probably would conclude he should wash his hands in your toilet and crap in your sink.” Cecil Adams writes, “talk with this guy for a few minutes and you realize that everything people think they know about household cleanliness is wrong. You think a guy’s apartment is bound to be germier than a woman’s? Uh-uh. Single men tended to have lower bacteria counts, since they never cleaned and thus didn’t spread the crud around.” Cecil’s humorous article is also worth reading.

But lest you fear returning home tonight, Gerber and his research team later found that the average office desk harbours 400 times more bacteria than the average toilet seat. This may not be as bad as it sounds; according to Tan toilet seats have been determined to be the least infected place in the bathroom (the environment is too dry too support a large bacterial population). Just don’t get too keen in killing those germs – misuse of antibiotics and other germ-killing agents may be doing us more harm than good according to a recent book. “We need to wash our hands, but we don’t need antibacterial products every time we wash our hands” author Kimberly Thompson, a Harvard scientist said. No comfort for the nosophobics among us.

Little did I know what a haven of filth and squalor my habitat is. Maybe those open dunnies you find travelling through Asia and the Middle East aren’t so bad after all. At least fecal coliforms aren’t regularly ejected into the atmosphere like a bacterial volcano. On second thought, maybe not. Think I’ll just live in a space suit from now on.

So, men and women alike, swallow that pride and help each other out. Flush with the toilet lid down, wash your hands, and get a new toothbrush.

.

.

If you enjoyed this, also check Let There Be Light Relief. Subscribe! Click the link at top left 🙂

Freur | Doot Doot. Did you know members of Freur went on to form the highly successful Underworld?

Today’s Fun Unrelated Link White people aren’t having enough sex. Karen is both funny and hot.

Posted in humor, humour | Tagged: , , | 7 Comments »

Laughing at Christians

Posted by spritzophrenia on January 8, 2010

I’m feeling lazy and have totally yoinked this from stuffchristianculturelikes. Like me, Stephanie can’t believe how darn tacky (US) Christianity can be. Stephanie blogs about “cultural christianity” saying “at one point or another I’ve been a willing participant in almost all the things I talk about here. I sort of consider myself an expert on Christian culture as I am a preacher’s kid and I’m also married to a preacher’s kid. Christian culture is funny because it doesn’t have much (if anything) to do with Christ himself.”

Stuff Christian culture likes #96 Playing Guitar Praise in lieu of Guitar Hero


Christian culture needed an alternative to the degenerate Guitar Hero, so they made their own version. Now you don’t have to pretend to play guitar along to secular music. With Guitar Praise you can pretend to play guitar along to Christian music that has been run through Auto-Tune and injected with silicone.


Guitar Praise lets you “rock out” to contemporary Christian songs that each sound like a Creed/Jonas Brothers mash-up. The website for Guitar Praise says “You’ll soon be rockin’ with the best while praising the Lord!”


Christian culture’s idea of “rockin'” is as questionable as their definition of the word “best.” Rather than violate your soul with secular music, violate your senses with this! Is God glorified by the Christian-ifying of video games? Christian culture seems to think so.

.

.

listening to evil satanic music

Posted in Christianity, humor, humour | Tagged: , , , | Comments Off on Laughing at Christians