Spritzophrenia

humour, music, life, sociology. friendly agnostic.

Posts Tagged ‘12 Steps’

Twelve Steps for the Recovering New Ager

Posted by spritzophrenia on October 28, 2010

I’ve been researching a popular New Age writer who, it seems to me, hasn’t been entirely honest about her past. More on that in the future. In the meantime, a New Age believer who’s ditched a lot of her former beliefs shared this on one of the forums I was reading.

Twelve Steps for the Recovering New Ager

Step One
“We admitted we were powerless over the New Age and that our Higher Selves had turned us into flakes.”

Step Two
“We came to believe that a powerful bullshit detector could restore us to sanity.”

Step Three
“We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our lower selves and a good psychiatrist.”

Astral Projection Kit

This is not a joke.

Step Four
“Made a searching and fearless disposal of our crystals, tarot decks, incense, angel cards, rising signs, wands, spells, medicine wheels, pendulums and lottery tickets.”

Step Five
“Admitted to God, our Guru and our seminar leader the exact nature of our delusion.”

Step Six
“Were entirely ready to take back our mind, body and spirit.”

Step Seven
“Humbly asked our Higher Power to f**k off.”

Step Eight
“Made a list of all the New Age assholes we’d been nice to and vowed to treat them all like sh#t.”

Step Nine
“Insulted the New Age wherever possible, especially when to do so made us look bad.”

Step Ten
“Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly relished in it.”

Step Eleven
“Sought through television and newspapers to improve our conscious contact with humanity, concentrating only on our ability to understand what the hell was really happening in the world.”

Step Twelve
“Having avoided a paradigm shift as the result of these steps, we vowed to carry the NAA message to New Agers everywhere and to practice being ordinary in all our affairs.”

You can find lots more here.

By the way, that picture up there? I found it with a random search. The guy is serious!

What do you think?

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Posted in humor, humour, New Age, Sociology | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »