I Believe In Pain, Cruelty and Infidelity
Posted by spritzophrenia on December 31, 2009
That was a more interesting title than “Why Spritzophrenia?”, wasn’t it? As evidenced by this comment, it’s probably about time I clarified the theme of this blog.
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Yes, it’s a bastardisation of schizophrenic. I was going to call it SpiritoPhrenic, but that just sounded like a stupid CCM title. So spritzophrenic kinda evolved from there. After all, if I’m an open agnostic there might not even be any spiritual world to connect with. But I’m sure having fun exploring unreality. I don’t fit. I don’t like boxes. As you know, I’m an ex-evangelical. I’m probably beyond post-evangelical in that I’m totally uninterested in churchianity at all. At least from the point of view of practicing it; observation, c’est très amusant. I suspect this is a frequent outcome of post-evangelicalism. By way of boast, I bought and read The Post-Evangelical when it came out in 1995 and was relatively unknown outside of the UK. I’m that cool. |
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Sometimes in my mind I go beyond mere atheism and become a nihilist or a satanist. In my conception, reading and practice, there’s not a lot of difference. That’s where the title quote came from [1]. If I become a nihilist, I’m not a nice guy. At all.
Rarely I’m a fluffy all-is-one new age buddhisto-hindu. It goes really well with many types of trance music, which is fantastic for getting me to a worship-state. But it’s just so damn hippy, and has all the intellectual credibility of a limp paper tissue. Yes, I know about Fritjov Capra and the new physics.
I love ideas, I love intellectualism, I love novelty. I’m probably a rationalist, ‘tho I find most card-carrying rationalists crashing bores. Edit: See Am I A Rationalist?. I read Dawkins and the rest of that pack of miserable gripes. As a philosopher, Dawkins is a great biologist. If you take my meaning. Would he rate a plumber’s book on evolution? – I think not. But I digress.
I have a friend who is multiple personality disorder, or “multiple” as they prefer. She/he/they are sane. Sane by many definitions, anyway. Likewise it depends on who’s “fronting” for me today as to which hat I wear. But they’re all me. I hope to integrate – a dirty word for multiple people – one day. I may be closer than I think.
Oh, I nearly forgot: 21st Century Schizoid Man is a song by progressive rock outfit King Crimson.
I apologise to schizophrenics for perpetuating the “split personality” idea. But hey, we lost that battle a long time ago. Language changes because it’s appropriated by the ignorant masses. eg, “evangelical” used to mean “of the Bible message” when it was used by certain christians to self-define. Now in popular culture it means “ill-educated right-wing fundie bigot”. Or have you noticed how people under 30 now use “gay” to mean “stupid, effeminate, bad taste”, much like the word “homo” was used when I was a teenager? That battle is over too, my dear queer friends.
I have schitzo aquaintances; my cousin is a loony too. I do understand, support, and sympathise with you. I’m thinking of making a paypal donation link from this blog to support mental illness awareness.
By spiritually schizophrenic, I mean that I am really not sure of my final resting ground. But it’s all me. Really me. This is not to say I don’t have opinions or beliefs; with a surety I do. It just means that I’m still exploring. I hate to quote saint Bono, but “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”. Or maybe I have, and I’m just taking an extended holiday.
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Respond
? What do you think?
tful [2] Hahaha, Ricky Gervais sings a lullaby to Elmo
reading Appignanesi & Garratt | Introducing Postmodernism
Front Line Assembly | Bio-Mechanic
[2] Today’s Fun Unrelated Link
Nicki said
I was a little confused by “I have a friend who is multiple personality disorder, or “multiple” as they prefer. She/he/they are sane. Sane by many definitions, anyway. Likewise it depends on who’s “fronting” for me today as to which hat I wear. But they’re all me. I hope to integrate – a dirty word for multiple people – one day. I may be closer than I think.”
It sounds like you are the multiple and you are you’re own friend. I’m facinated by constructive collectives.
Anne said
J, Someone without your sanity and skill might have written about the same things, and it would have felt like wading into a mudpie… but as well as humor (and that’s vital, isn’t it) you put a lot of heart and, yes, I’d say soul, into your search and writing. You go to a lot of places where most are not willing to look (monsters may be lurking!) and one thing I take from your message is that it’s all about what we construct in our heads, and what we do with that. Not to mean that it isn’t from our cultures, but that the fear and bigger than life is not from out there, but is about what we want to make of it. At least that’s what I think. I also had a friend who was diagnosed as a multiple personality. Her name was Patty and I knew her for about 25 years before she passed away. Patty would have really enjoyed your blog… and if, that’s if, she’s able to be aware of it now, I’m sure she’s having a great time with it.
spritzophrenia said
Thanks Anne, it’s a scary thing to try and figure this out, and be fair to all, and honest with oneself
The Crib Notes « Spritzophrenia said
[...] Spritzophrenia What does this word mean? Anything you want it to, really. I suppose seeing I coined it you want to know what I mean by it. [...]
Celebrating The Weeds « Spritzophrenia said
[...] It’s all part of my journey, and I reserve the right to change my mind as I learn. This is Spritzophrenia, after [...]
zannadeeya said
Wow, I think we’re too much alike. The older I get, the further I get away from evangelical churchianity myself. Am I supposed to feel bad about that? Actually, I’ve never felt better. Then, when I go back or try to revisit the way of life I used to lead several years ago, I would rather dry heave with the help of some dry, rusty nails. I know, that sounds just nasty, but that’s the effect that religion has on my brain anymore. I have heard it said that god will lead you to where you need to be to be healed, as in the “right” church. Um, that never happened for me. I couldn’t have found a more wrong church back then. It was roller derby that helped me. Weird, huh? I never really liked church when I was growing up, either. That should have told me something.
spritzophrenia said
Hi Zannadeeya
I think i could conceive of returning to “christianity”, but yeah… a church is problematic.
Many thanks for dropping by
